Pit Bulls Leaving the China Shop

I understand why some people hate church.

As long as I can remember, unless a communicable illness was obtained - or other valid arguments brought to Judge and Jury (parents) containing solid evidence and/or reasoning as to why church attendance would not be possible  - I was there.  (And my "lawyer skills" were developed on many a Sunday morning.)  In fact, I was there Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Wednesday evenings, VBS, and other special events.  I was at church.  It was my second home.

Looking back, I can recognize and admit that as a child, one of the reasons "church" was hated because "the child" had some issues with laziness.  (I would rather stay home, sleep in, and watch cartoons than get up early, put on a dress, and fight in the car - on the way to church - and not put up with the oddities that happened during church.)  The other reason was much deeper and more personal.  The easiest way to describe it - without writing my life story - is to say that sometimes it seemed like some kind of a twisted game to me.  (But who was winning?)  I sometimes just felt disappointed.

For example, I stood in a church once - where I had been attending for quite some time - during the worship service.  While the music played and my thoughts were surveyed, I remember being so adamant about how much I didn't like anything about that place.   I am normally not this type of person and try to find the good in everything; however, I also always want to be honest.  (Flattery is a disservice to people and will get you nowhere at the same time.)  I thought, "I don't like the way they open the service; the people are not friendly here; these people were good about this but the follow-through wasn't there; this person tried to manipulate me several times and this one flatters me up and down; the preaching here is decent in some parts but a good portion of it is emotional, Hallmark channel stuff; this dude plays on his ipad during the preaching."

These observations - while true and not made with a critical attitude - bothered me to the point where I reached a state of empathy.   (For both the people in these types of churches and those who comes to them.)   Everyone can experience some "new guy" anxiety when visiting a new place, and we all have our ideas of how "we think" a service or church may/may not operate; however, a good church should leave someone knowing they are welcomed, loved, that Christ is there, His Word is preached, and it is lived out.  (And if they didn't do that, there should be an apology.)  It's pretty simple.

With that being said, that very day I was challenged to do something different than the norm.

I had gone from extremely irritable and cranky (all my "I don't likes") to experiencing this deep empathy for all these people who are currently stuck in a cycle of miserable religion.  (A cycle in which I used to be.)  I heard,"What will you do?"

I could complain.  I could pick up my right to rant and rave, like so many other times - and human beings - and go off on the Pastor and the church.  After all, I have had to "suffer" through so many services of this "nonsense".  Shouldn't a Pastor know what he/she is doing?!  (Sure.)  Shouldn't a Pastor be perfect?  (Well...not really.)  Shouldn't the Pastor be responsible for my happiness?!  (Uhhh...no.  Read your Bible.)

But wait, I could also do it in a more subtle, "professional" manner.  I could make up something so nobody's feelings get hurt. "I just want to make a change...this just really isn't for me."  That way, nobody has to get hurt, you know.  (Rather, my pride doesn't have to get hurt right now.  And all those people continue to suffer needlessly.  I suppose that is a selfish choice.)

There are less selfish choices.  I'm certainly not advising to subject oneself to abuse - I would never say that.  But how about refusing to be the pit bull in the china shop and trying out kindly spoken truth?  How about good, "old-fashioned" self-control?  After all, people want to be able to "speak their minds", so what is wrong with telling people the truth and telling them in a way that shows them a little respect? 

"You know, I don't really like tuna fish but thanks for offering."
As opposed to:  "Why would you make me a tuna fish sandwich, you idiot?!"

"I don't really want to see that movie.  It doesn't look interesting to me.  Can we try something else?"
As opposed to:  "That movie sucks.  I want to see [name of the movie]."

"Your hair looks good but I don't think that dress will work for the event."
As opposed to:  "If you want to look like a retard, wear that dress.  But your hair is fine."

"I don't know the answer to that question. Let me get back with you."
As opposed to:  "Don't be asking me all these questions!  I don't know everything!"

"I appreciate you having me but this just isn't the church for me."
As opposed to:  "Your music is way too loud, your preaching is just way off, this has to be one of the unfriendliest churches I have ever been to...I just can't believe you can call yourselves a church!"

For some people it may sound ridiculous but do you know how ridiculous the nasty complainer sounds?  If you don't believe me, just go to Youtube and you can find a stream of videos with people ranting and raving - demanding they be heard.  These videos are "entertainment" because they show themselves to be fools to the world.  Not only do they appear as fools to the world, but the saddest part is that every person refusing to choose self-control is just another person unleashing their venom on someone else.

"If you can't say something nice"...almost all of us can finish the sentence.  I would also say, if you are about to be the pit bull, just walk away for a while.

But don't give up.  Make sure you make a return visit when you regain control.

Don't Throw Your Paddle

I could never play ping pong professionally, nor did I ever have a desire to play at that level.  My greatest fear was a ball smacking me at 70 miles per hour.  (Some of you know what I am talking about.)  I played fast-pitch softball and that was enough for me.

While I didn't compete professionally in ping pong, I did play enough in the "amateurs"(garages and backyards) to know that it takes two people to play a game.  Even if one person is a noticeably stronger player than the other, the game requires that two people put motion behind paddles in order to get the ball across the table in a somewhat skilled fashion.  (For some of us, just getting it across the table at all is our "skilled fashion" and we're fine with that.)  The rest of us bragged about being on some Junior League.

Regardless of whether or not you played, most people have the common knowledge that it takes two people to play the game. 

Imagine enjoying a good, competitive game of ping pong with a new friend.  All of the sudden your opponent tosses his paddle at you and shouts,'This isn't right, man!  I'm a better player than you!  I practiced more than you!  I should be winning!"

Not quite sure what to say, as you are shocked by the behavior - and rubbing your head from the paddle mark - you stand and search for what to say.  Certainly not, "Forgive me."

But this is what has happened and is continued to be allowed in society as acceptable behavior towards one another.  Why?  
"He was just being real."  

I disagree.  He was actually not using self control (lost his temper - in this situation) and acting selfishly.  He then took it out on someone and in more and more cases, this is becoming acceptable behavior to where the person being hurt/abused is the one being asked to apologize.   Does that make sense to anyone?  It's a simple case of cause and effect where somehow the roles have been getting reversed; however, selfishness and hatred has been trying "to win out" over love and respect.

The lie is that if you are losing or it appears things are falling from you grip, you need to "take charge" and "dominate"; show everybody "what's up" or that "you are it" by shoving people around and demonstrating your power!  The truth is that the more you have to show your power and give in to the pressure, it is proving you have no power at all.  Bullies are some of the saddest people because they feel like nobodies; they pick on people in an attempt to feel important.

I'm not saying if you lose your temper you're a loser.  We all blow our tops sometimes.  But if you are regularly putting the blame on something or someone else and not taking responsibility for yourself - and a temper - you will continually be blowing up yourself, others, and situations around you.  And you will constantly wonder why no one will want to play ping pong with you.

No one wants to play with someone who keeps throwing the paddle at them.  

"The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out." -Proverbs 17:14